Return of the Jedi…

Hi Everyone,

so after a short sabbatical the blog is back up and running. Ok, I admit ,short might be the understatement of the year lol but atleast its back on track right? (yes, i chose a Starwars themed title because i secretly believe that I’m a Jedi – I possibly might sound obsessed with Starwars which quite likely is because I actually am. I’m a geek)

I can’t begin to tell you how glad I was that 2015 finally ended!! I think it’s safe to say it was a monstrous year. Thank GOD for friends like Mumtaz Moosa Saley who kept me sane and full of laughter. Please be sure to check out her new blog, Destination Guantanamo Bay. This woman is nothing short of brilliant. A true inspiration to a world filled with women who believe they can’t make a difference. Her blogs have touched the lives of many. I, personally, think she should be a speaker at Ted Talks.

Last year, a lot of this blog was based around singledom – yes, another term that means freedom- and the hilarious incidences of being part of an Indian Community over the age of 25. The crazy old ladies and most of all the sad crazy feelings of lonely girls.

This year, however, we hoping to have a face lift. Mostly I hope the blog retains its wit and humor. The posts will hopefully be funny and happy. No negativity unless the post actually requires that. Nevertheless, I have much to write and oh so little time…

I always thought that only old aunties were into the whole 3rd degree questioning on ‘when you getting married’ or ‘did you know Fatoo’s son is not married’. I recently discovered otherwise. Here’s what happened:

Towards the end of last year, a friend of mine put me in touch with one of his friends in an attempt to “set us up”. That really did sound sinister to me but I agreed anyway, I mean I’m not getting any younger right?  After numerous whatsapp conversations it was safe to say this guy was great on paper and I definitely wanted to meet him. After what was the most awkward first meeting ever! like ever.. as in if there was an award for the most awkward interaction between 2 people in a public environment I’d win first prize. So i finally learnt that good on paper doesn’t mean good in person.

What is it with me and interacting with OLD people I’ll possibly never know but mostly that’s when things get interesting. So weeks later, I visited a friend who happened to have some elderly relatives over. These elderly relatives happened to have a cute son. After what felt like hours of conversing with Uncle Moosa, i felt as if i could finally let my guard down. After all the awkwardness of my last human interaction it felt like a breath of fresh air talking to someone who wasn’t being judgemental or so I thought.

“He seems too sweet to ask me anything” or so I thought. Just when i let my guard down he decided to drop the bomb or rather something that felt like a rapid fire grenade gun. It went something like this:

Uncle Moosa: “You know you have a very beautiful smile. It’s very calming”

Me,while smiling:” Jazakallah” (thank you)

Uncle Moosa: “tell me, where is your husband? did he drop you? You not wearing a ring?”

Me: “no, I’m not…”

Uncle Moosa: “ohh must be you not married but shame you have such a pretty face, why? any problem? Can’t find anyone? must tell me I know nice boys. Is it some other problem? you can’t have children? ” *with a shocked expression*

Me: *extreme look of shock* “what?”

Uncle Moosa: ” No no, I’m sure its not that. You are so young. Just get married now can’t wait too long to have children, you know. Times going..

Wait, wait. Ebrahim come here!!”

All the while I’m sitting there in utter disbelief. Did I just get asked if I was infertile??? and was I just told that it was a shame that I had a pretty face. In what universe is that a shame?

Basically what happened next involved Ebrahim giving me a number of his friend who i was told to contact as he also could not get married. At this point I was so angry that my words were harsh and blunt and its highly likely that Uncle Moosa’s son, Ebrahim will never speak to me ever again..

“If he’s such a great guy why don’t you marry him”

It definitely wasn’t one of my prouder moments. In fact, I did later apologise but naturally didn’t get a response which i actually didn’t expect. Contrary to what i thought, it wasn’t limited to Old Ladies but Old people in general ask the most inappropriate questions without giving you the option to respond. Sorta like how old people sometimes question people who have come from far, this is specific to old Indian  people. In fact, they both ask and ANSWER their own questions in on breathe without giving you an opportunity to respond.

“When you came? Today

with you? you parents

how did you come? by car ” lol

Yes, I love Old people. They have the ability to warm your heart, make you want to kill them and possible leave you rolling on the floor with laughter all in a span of a mere 15 minutes.

Nevertheless, my time’s up. Keep a look out for the next post possible about brains, brawn and all things gym…

 

 

 

 

 

The time for change.

The biggest problem with being an empath is that in loving others we sometimes forget to love ourselves. Sometimes we do so much for others that we forget to do the things that make us happy. Before you know it you are so far gone into this cycle of doing for others before yourself that it becomes near impossible to break away. You lose yourself and your essence because for so long everyone else was a priority and you were just an option to yourself. You find yourself being bullied into doing things that make you miserable. What someone recently made me realise is that respect is earned, therefore, if you do not respect yourself enough to speak up then how can anyone else respect you. Which makes so much sense right? but demanding respect is not really as easy as it sounds. You can’t exactly walk into a room and throw a tantrum and demand people to respect you. No, instead you have to change things about yourself to make yourself happy and in doing so, changing people’s perceptions about certain things related to you, earn peoples respect because they will see that you respect yourself. This is how my change started..

The first step to recovery is acceptance. Acceptance that maybe you, to an extent, are the problem not the next person. We live in a time where people easily pass the blame, of things gone wrong, on to others so actually accepting that you maybe are at fault takes courage. Step two, would then be to actually get help in dealing with whatever the problem is and that also requires courage. In all this time spent in building courage we sometimes forget to actually do. A recent conversation with someone had me put things into perspective. In this conversation i was asked who i am, to which my response came almost naturally and I found myself saying, I am nobody. Later that evening when i was alone with my thoughts i realised how wrong that answer was. Who says they are nobody?? In the bigger scheme of things we all are somebody right? and maybe that was my problem right there.. my perception of myself was slightly warped.

Yet, despite this warped perception someone understood me. He was there encouraging me to change what i don’t like and helping me to believe that in the end it will all work out. He converted me into a huge fan of Ted Talks and sent me numerous Ted X videos. ( I’ve posted a video and few links at the end of the post). Strangely these videos were what i needed to hear. They helped so much. It’s weird speaking to someone who just gets you but in many ways it comforting to know that someone else has been through it and survived. SO yes im going through what I’ve termed a personality crisis – basically I’m trying to find myself. It was time for change, a change that was outside of my comfort zone. Our comfort zones are almost like cocoons that protect us yet, sometimes i think they hamper our growth if we don’t venture out of it. Alas, I decided to “go big or go home” and do something that no one expected me to ever do. Something that although seemingly small was a huge step for me in the hope that it was the beginning of me taking back my reins.  It’s safe to say that i shocked the socks of my family.

Change is generally met with apprehension especially when you come from an Indian background. Speaking up when you normally don’t is seen as being rude. Changing your dressing can possibly be seen as a lack of modesty. In the past i would have worried about what others thought, yet doing this drastic thing somehow left me feeling liberated. I finally did something for me and it felt amazing! What did i do?? Well i chopped off all my hair and i went all out and changed the colour. I now have pink, blue and purple hair. hahaha so this Eid people spent less time asking me when im getting married and more time contemplating whether im on drugs or not. Maybe its true that our hair holds our emotions then again maybe not. Would anyone ever really know?

So here’s my thoughts just prior to getting my hair cut: (as requested by you lol more like nagged)

For days i have been psyching myself to actually go through with this. To do and not just think.If i could do this then i could do whatever it takes for me to be happy. As i sat there in Waseela’s hair salon, butterflies on a high. Nervous was an understatement!

My phone beeped, looking down i saw a message from him. “Message me when they start so that i know you not ignoring me.” I laughed at the irony of this. It was like i was speaking to the male version of me. lol that was something i would say. When my turn finally came and Waseela saw the cut i wanted she asked,”Are you sure doll? i know you love bold but this is bold even for you.” My reply was simply “Yes, im sure.” I was never more sure of anything as I was at that exact moment.

I sat there watching as my hair fell to the ground as she worked her magic and finally i was filled with a renewed sense of hope. It was as if the burdens of my past had been cut of and i felt absolutely amazing.I felt different in just a few minutes. Maybe it was noticable – ok the short hair was obviously noticable but this change was from within.

The effects of which showed not long after i got home by the manner in which i handled the “music” i had to face. I finally understand that its okay to be selfish sometimes and do things just because you feel like. Its okay if in getting what you want people get upset or they judge you or don’t understand  because really the only person you need to explain yourself to is YOU! and that is what I’m aiming to do..

A huge thank you to Mumtaz Moosa Saley for her words of encouragement and sound advice. To Azra Khan, Sabeeha Moolla, Zaakirah Mohamed, Kirsten Carls and Fayyaadh Bhamjee for being my circle of support through it all. A special thank you to Fayyaadh for never failing to be there and for effortlessly handling my stupidity lol To my sister for understanding even when i felt like nothing made sense anymore. You know you once told me that I was always there to protect you like the older sister but over the last few weeks I think you have done more than i could for you in a life time. To you for helping me find my voice of rebellion.

Ted Talks Links:

Watch “The skill of self confidence | Dr. Ivan Joseph | …” on YouTube – The skill of self confidence | Dr. Ivan Joseph | …: https://youtu.be/w-HYZv6HzAs

Watch “How to stop screwing yourself over | Mel Robbins …” on YouTube – How to stop screwing yourself over | Mel Robbins …: https://youtu.be/Lp7E973zozc

Introspection..

With the last of our Eid visitors having finally left (they came today from Durban) I finally found a few spare minutes to write this. I trust and hope all those who celebrated Eid had a joyous and blessed day. Eid is a day of festivities spent with family and friends.A day filled with laughter and excitement as children compare how much “eidie” they have receive. In the past no one cared about whose prawns were prepared the best and whose contouring was on point. Actually, back then young girls barely wore makeup. Today, however, some wear enough makeup and foundation on one day that another person could use for an entire year. I’ve actually never been a fan of foundation or mascara. Foundation is just too thick and mascara makes my eyes feel so weird. Nevertheless, to each their own right?

The day of Eid is the day that follows the last day of the month of Ramadhaan – logically. We are always told that Ramadhaan is a month of healing and although i believed it I’ve never truly experienced it until this year. It turns out that it is not just a month of spiritual healing which is what I thought. Its a month in which, if you truly introspect, you can heal your soul. That means healing in every form – physically, emotionally and spiritually. Which seems weird right? because we all truly believe that we are whole but the reality is that every person is broken in some way or the other. Some are just really good at hiding it and others are just really good at shoving it so far down that they forget it exists.

As great as that may be,life doesn’t work according to a manual. So sometimes we meet people and they bring this brokeness to the forefront and we forced to face it head on. You sit there and you wonder if you completely insane because you have these weird feelings after so long. The truth is you not insane or crazy or emotionally challenged you are simply human. Most people won’t understand  and I finally realise that that is okay. Whats important is that i understand because this is my journey not theirs.

I’ve always been a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. Therefore, when people come into our lives they do so for a reason. Some to love us, some to hurt us, some to make us stronger and some to teach us. If you narrow it down further they are either lessons or destinations. This Ramadhaan led me to a much needed lesson. So if you are reading this, actually I know you are going to read this, I’d like to say Thank you.

Over thinking

Over the last few days I have received many messages from those of you who know me personally with concerns regarding my well- being. I assume it is because of the nature of the last post, A way out. I assure you that I am well although I can understand how those who self mutilate feel, I have not taken to that method. You can all relax. With it being the last few days of the Holy month of Ramadhaan I have been on a mission to make the most of it. Therefore, there were no posts. It is as simple as that lol.

Many people have shared their stories with me over the past few weeks. Some have told me about their journey’s to self discovery while others explained to me how they could relate to overwhelming emotions and pain that seemed endless but eventually they found it in themselves to overcome these barriers. I think the one conversation that really touched home was one that I had with a teenager. Her words were: at times I feel like there is just so much noise in my head. This is really what got me thinking because there have been times that I have also felt that way. No, it really doesn’t mean we insane or crazy. I said noise not voices. It merely means that our mind’s just don’t know when to shut up. We think and think and before we know it we over think. Many people experience this but they either know how to control it or are really good at hiding it.

This brings me back to the concept of barriers. A barrier is anything that prevents access to something else. When we, the over thinking club, speak about barriers are we referring to our thoughts? So does this make us victims of our thoughts? Are we, rather our thoughts, barring us from our peace? but how does one over come this “over thinking” mentality? because the reality is many a time, we over think things that are really fairly simple and can be sorted out by communication. Like literally pick up the phone and ask the person, ” Hey, do you have a problem with this”. What I’ve realised is that, chances are, it was all in your head and the next person didn’t even notice what you thought was a problem.

I don’t like how the use of the word “victim” makes me feel. Honestly, it makes me think of myself as weak and I may be a lot of things but weak is definitely not one of them. I wonder if these over thinking tendencies stem from lack of self belief because if we truly believe we are enough would there be a need to over think? If you are part of the “over thinking club” then i think maybe you can relate to this post and you fully understand when i say that over thinking leads to assumptions which in turn just creates so many issues.

So here’s to catching ourselves before we over think because I refuse to be a victim of any kind. what about you?

Here’s to taking control of our minds because ultimately we are the pioneers of our own peace.

A way out..

She sat there, in the quiet of her room, alone with her thoughts. The vacant look on her face masked her inner turmoil. Emotions surged as if on a high. She no longer felt in control of what went on within her. All she could feel, was there on the forefront hitting her like waves, huge engulfing waves. She couldn’t see the silver lining, instead all she saw was the darkness that surrounded her.

They said being a nice person came at a price. Oh! but what a grave price one had to pay. She felt it take her once more, consume her like the ocean does when you drown. She knew then that she needed to get out. She needed to escape but how does one escape oneself? How do you run from what’s inside you? As if instinctively she grabbed the scissors laying nearby, rolled up her sleeve and made her first cut. She watched as the blood oozed out staining her pants. As it oozed, she felt the turmoil flow. She felt it being released. Finally, she felt relief. No, the emotions were not gone just merely silenced as they focused on the physical pain.

She knew then that the only way she were to survive a lifetime with herself was to inflict this physical pain on herself, for she was an empath. An empath who loved with every fibre of her being. An empath who knew not how to “turn if off”, who didn’t know how to “flip the switch” when it became too much. When it threatened to engulf her and steal her happiness.

Many a time we read about people who inflict physical pain on themselves to find relief from their emotions. To escape their real pain. Self mutilation is REAL. Its about as real as it gets. The very person next to you could possibly be someone that self mutilates. More often than not, people look upon these individuals with pity and disgust. “How can they do that? how can they cut themselves?” We pass these comments and questions around but we never delve deeper. We never ask ourselves what drives someone to such extremes. To inflict pain on themselves intentionally. The answer is PAIN. Pain is what drives people to self mutilate.Emotional pain, the kind of pain that can’t really be put into words. The kind of pain that steals all your joy and you left wondering when will the sun shine again.

Sometimes it is pain brought on by depression. Depression caused by feelings of self loath or inadequacy. Before we judge, lets be honest with ourselves, at some point or the other, everyone experiences feelings of inadequacy. Be in it a romantic setting where one just wants to feel loved, to be wanted and needed by someone else. Or in a professional environment, where despite all the qualifications you possess you still feel like you lack something. Maybe a failed relationship triggered it or failure on a whole. There can be multiple reasons and numerous explanations.

The reality is that we don’t really know what people feel and when they feel it. We have become masters of disguise, so good at hiding what we really feel. Sometimes the girl with the broadest smile makes the most cuts. So never judge a book by it’s cover. Be kind to people. Be kind to strangers. Anyone can be mean and nasty but it takes a special kind of person to be kind when their world seems to be falling apart at the seams. If you know someone, it could be an empath or not, who is suffering from their most recent bout of depression. Give them a hug and let them know that its going to be okay. That in itself is reassurance and a huge help. Sometimes all we need is a good support system in order to admit that we have a problem. Acceptance is the first step to recovery. It is something you should not be ashamed off, no, instead accept that how you are coping is not healthy for you and seek help. There is help out there! And most importantly you are not alone. Believe me when i say i know all too well how difficult it is to emotional. To juggle what you feel and still pretend to be happy but there is light at the end of the tunnel. I truly believe that. Together we can make a difference, it just takes one small step. Lets take this step together. You and me both.

They say every person we meet is fighting their own battle. So the next time you see a stranger and you make make eye contact for just a second, smile at them. Who knows maybe that smile will help them through the day. I leave with this poem i came across on facebook in an article titled, How to love an empath

To Love an Empath – Rebecca Lammersen

I’m all feelings, that’s it

Lit with emotions that just won’t quit.

I wish,

I wish i could turn them off with a switch,

but that’s not an option,

Till I’m buries in a ditch.

There’s always a trade to be made,

every decision keeps me saved.

Sometimes it caused strife,

cause i refuse to cut the emotions outta my life.

My dream would be,

to express all and be received,

Yet no on wants to love the girl who seems dis- eased.

You’re not deceived,

so stop believing the lies you feed.

You must understand,

I’ve been freed.

Sometimes i question how to get by,

But I’ll never give up,

I’ll continue to try.

Every time I dive into my head,

I can’t seem to make heard or said.

See, the feelings keep dripping from my heart,

Cause it’s the only way I know to live my art.

Forced to hide inside my mind.

It’s torture in here,

The Joy, the sadness just won’t disappear.

You ask me to shut it down,

Cause then I can’t make a sound,

So I don’t disturb you and your ground

But I can’t, I won’t.

Either love me fully or let me go.

I don;t have time to be a ghost.

I took off the sheet when I realised, It’s the only way to stay alive.

Next time I cry,

Next time I scream

Hold me close,

Please don’t leave.

Just keep me open, so I can bleed.

This is how to love the life I lead.

Sitting on my pedastal

This is dedicated to all those women who are over the age of 25 and single. Inspired by the ladies from the GT group. I pray for each and everyone of you, that Allah grants you happiness that knows no bounds and ease in your trials.

Sitting here on my pedastal I wonder who will come. The dust is growing thick. Tick tock tick tock.

Sitting here on my pedestal I wonder if when you pass by you see the loneliness in my eyes. I wonder if you the pain behind the ghostly stare as I wait and wait and wait…

Sitting here on my pedestal I wonder if you know how many times I’ve cried, how many times I’ve hoped. Hope is what moves mountains they say but mine hasn’t moved me at all.

Sitting here on my pedastal, high above the ground, I wonder if you see my bruises for the all times I’ve fell. Each bruise a wound that runs deeper than previous one.

Sitting here on my pedestal I wonder if you know that I don’t sit here for lack of trying. I wonder if you know how much your judgement hurts. How much your words pierce my self esteem.

And now I’m left here, with questions upon questions. Why do I still sit here? Is something wrong with me? Is there some contortion I am unaware off?

You are beautiful, they say. You are kind. Yet, I look in the mirror and stare at that darkened creature only to realise that is what I have become. I remember myself before, before when happiness was all I knew. But now all I see disgusts me and I want it to end. I want it to stop. Make the pain leave. Make it hurt less.

I’ve have been strong for so long that now I can’t be strong anymore. I want something so tiny. Something so priceless. I want no judgement. I want no loneliness. I want to feel happiness surge through my veins like the warmth of the sun on summers day. But how?? How do I negate the cloud while i sit here on my pedastal?

Sitting here on my pedastal won’t you please come on by?

Success in another name

While browsing the internet just now, I came across this beautiful quote by Rumi:

“Somewhere between right and wrong is a garden. I will meet you there”

This reminded me of the 2013 biographical movie, Diana. The movie closed with this particular quote. It is based on a novel by Kate Snell’s titled Diana: Her Last Love and depicts the last 2 years of the late Lady Diana’s life. Growing up everyone was so caught up in the life of this controversial beauty. To date documentaries about her life is still aired. I must admit, I was always fascinated by her compassion for people of all colours and creed. If you haven’t watched the movie, I’d suggest you read the book instead (I haven’t, personally, read it as yet but generally books are always better than the movie) because the movie left a lot to be desired. It basically focused on her love affair with a Pakistani heart surgeon, Haznat Khan.

Now, you probably wondering what angle I’m going for here because this woman has been dead for over a decade. See, in life we can learn from both our mistakes and the mistakes of others. Being a Princess Diana had every luxury money could buy, most women would love to be Princesses, right? That which she didn’t have could be purchased on a whim. She had everything save for two things, happiness and love. We live our lives striving to be successful, to earn money and make a name for ourselves that we sometimes forget to actually live.(Basically we exist claiming that we living) To enjoy the present and the now.

This is what brought me to this post and the concept of success. Everyone has a different definition of success. As strange as that may sound it’s actually true. Success as defined by the dictionary is the accomplishment of an aim or purpose. Yet, the actual definition as per an individual can be anything from professional growth, monetary value or just plain old status within the community. As individuals in an every changing world. A world to which the likes of compassion and humanity seem to be lost one has to pick wisely as to what they measure their success against. Everyone ultimately aims to leave a legacy behind them. Some wish to gain fame and world recognition. Others aim to build an empire and leave behind a legacy of power. I only have one question though, are people actually going to remember you by doing all that?

Emotions are what fuel people. It’s the engine of every relationship, be it friendship or love. To me, success is measured in that which is intangible. How many hearts have I warmed or smiles I’ve broadened. Maybe that makes me an idealist but in my opinion people forget what you do for them, what you buy them but no one ever forgets how someone made them feel. Someday when I die I’d like people to remember me as that young lady who made them smile or touched their hearts with my kindness. Being a sensitive person, I believe that we should treat others as we wish to be treated. Sure, I have those crazy moments, days, weeks and at times months where I question my own sanity. Where i ask myself do I have borderline personality disorder because I try and try and most times my trying is not met half way by other people. Should that stop me from trying? NO! because how people see me and treat me should not affect how I treat them or see them. See, how we treat others says a lot about who we are conversely how others treat us says a lot about them.

Few months back while doing a business transaction with a particular company I received a heart warming compliment for this trait of mine. The lady I dealt with, personally, sent me a message saying that in all her years of working with people she has never dealt with someone as kind, soft spoken and polite as me. That, for me, was a moment of pride. A moment at which my parents upbringing was not in vain. Sadly, not everyone receives my personality with opens arms. Some feel I’m too soft or clingy or just emotional. I respect your opinion and I choose to ignore it. Why? because my legacy will not be mine if I change who I am. Therefore, some will love me and some won’t and that is just the circle of life. Life is too short to make the wrong choices. So choose wisely as to where your success lies and what really is deemed successful to you because if you make the wrong choice it might be too late to change it when you finally realise that you made the wrong one. Maybe in choosing that rock you missed a diamond.

To the one person that I feel I owe an apology to, hopefully you will read this. If someone treated me as I have treated you the past few weeks I’d be hurt. At the same time your indifference towards me had hurt me gravely and that is what spurned my behaviour towards you. I don’t know what life has in store for me or you but I think we functioned better when we had no expectations of each other.  Therefore, its time to let go and move on. I see you as emotionally unavailable whereas I am an emotional charity show, with bucket loads to give. Thank you for showing me many things and making this short while beautiful. These memories with you I will cherish for time to come. I wish you all the best for what lies ahead and pray that God grants you the ability to truly love and not just receive love, for that is where we gain the most pleasure. I guess what’s is meant to be will be so lets leave it in Allah’s hands.

Apart of me will always love you..

The mile..

# Day 4

Today being Friday, or as we Muslims refer to it- Jummah, mum and I spent the morning at home doing what is necessary. On Fridays we have a special prayer and it being our fasting month (Ramadaan)  we decided to sit outside and enjoy the surroundings as we waited for dad.

The atmosphere outside was calm. The weather cool with a slight breeze. (by cool I meant 24 degrees Celsius). School children walked by, some alone, some in groups. Laughing, joking and singing. Fooling around and eager to get home, the weekend has officially begun. When dad fetched us, we were headed into Maputo town, traffic was at an all time high. I was told government workers knocked off at 3 pm on Fridays.

As we drove into town I couldn’t help being reminded of Goa. The architecture here depicted the same style but then again both Goa and Mozambique were Portuguese colonies, therefore one would expect a resemblance. Old colonial buildings stood tall, leaving one to wonder about its history. Unfortunately, I love architecture and I have a keen interest in learning the history behind these buildings.(maybe that makes me boring who cares) My dad, being someone who loves history himself, offered all and any information that he had . Feeding this curiosity of mine.

Driving further, we passed by the “mile”, rather similar to the one found in Central Durban. However, this one was under construction. The beaches were being fixed but that didn’t stop the local vendors from setting up shop for their weekly and perhaps daily clientel. These vendors sold anything from food, to drinks and clothing in make shift stalls. Along the beach there were even tables and chair should one opt to have a beach front dinner. The residential area alone the mile was exquisite. Homes here were huge and cost a fortune. No really, a small fortune like 10-20 Million dollars.

After dinner, dad once again took us to explore the city. Everywhere you looked there is something being constructed. The foreign investment in Maputo is unbelievable. It makes me wonder though if should be classed as third world and not developing. Bare in mind that Maputo is a communist state. Basically there are two classes of people, the rich and the poor. The rich get richer and the poor, well sadly they get poorer. When they say rich they mean stinking rich, I mean outside the mall I saw a brand new Mercedes V8 biturbo AMG. I couldn’t help but stare. It was a beauty!

Speaking about this makes me wonder in a communist state what exactly do the economist focus on? Clearly redistribution of income is not something they need to worry about, right?

Lets skip to something way more important, Food! The biggest problem with traveling to a country that doesn’t use English as its first language is having to read a menu. Once that battle is won its on to communicating that to your waitron. I must admit traveling to India we didn’t have this problem at all. Safe to say I was a tad bit disappointed that I didn’t get to use my self taught Hindi, from Bollywood movies. Who am I kidding? Its way more fun to pretend you don’t understand nor speak a particular foreign language. Luckily, though, some restaurants have menus with pictures (lol) and thank God for small blessings like KFC! At least when I look at the pictures here I know exactly what I’m buying. Yes, I am an international KFC eater. I’ve tried KFC in practically all the countries I have visited (if it was halaal). Go ahead, judge me..

Chilled Vibes

# Day 2

Being on holiday, who really wants to work, I decided to relax a bit. Let my hair down as they say. Opting to stay home with mum, however, meant no exploring for me. I don’t think I have the nerves required to drive in Maputo. It’s like SA taxi drivers on steroids here, only everyone drives that way hahah! I guess if you can’t beat them join them right?

So day 2 passed by not without any excitement. I have a severe case of arachnophobia and for some strange reason spiders are drawn to me. It’s almost like I have a huge sign on my forehead in a language that only spider’s understand that says, approach human to see comic show. Yes, I jump scream and run at the sight of a spider irrespective of its size.

Picture this, here I am enjoying my shower, shampoo-ing my hair when from the corner of my eye I see something move. Yes Mr spider I will spot you even with soap in my eyes. My natural instinct is to run and scream for my mum but of course I have shampoo on my hair. Safe to say i didn’t make it to the conditioner because that spider kept moving in on me. FREAKY!!!

By the time my mother finally decided to come to the rescue the spider was long gone. All she did was stand there and laugh hysterically at the look of sheer horror on my face. So to paint a clearer picture for you, I attract assholes, old people and spiders. I’m a walking magnet lol!

#Day 3

Luckily day 3 proved to be quite uneventful. My dad having had meeting most of the morning instructed us to be ready by a certain, at which he would collect us and show me around. Alas, sometimes plans fall through. Not only did he initially forget us but when he did finally arrive it was too late to venture out.

From a different angle

Today while waiting for my dad to fetch us, somewhere along the way I think he forgot about us, my mum and I were discussing love triangles. I will get to that in a bit but first I’d like to digress a bit. I mentioned to my mum something that I came across regarding single woman and I wanted her opinion.

Basically, this man had written a piece about woman who are single over the age of 25. According to him, these woman were single because they were too fussy at a younger age. Now, at the brink of their mid- twenties single woman would try to cling to anything that seemed like a good prospect. Honestly, this view really upset me. Why? Simply because I am 26 and single, not for lack of trying. Believe me I have tried. I’ve done the infamous samoosa runs, whereby a stranger who is looking for a prospective spouse comes home to view the girl in question. It’s almost like being put on display only you have to actually interact with the given person. Honestly, it’s really nerve-wrecking and rather silly to assume that 2 people can make such an informed decision in such a short period of time. Thankfully though, the gentleman that came to see me was one that possessed intellect and instead of a few minutes of discussion, we actually had a full hour. Yeah, somewhere along the line we discussed concrete, creeping and various other construction terms. He made for good conversation but sadly it didn’t work out based on the out comes of Istikhara. (a prayer for guidance).

I’ve done the telephonic interview – yes, people actually do that. The man who had conducted the interview was looking for a hermit. He used the term “wife” but he actually meant hermit, you know someone who never leaves the house. Like ever! that’s exactly what he told me. This made me realise that although looks matter for an attraction to exist I required someone with intellect as my spouse. My father’s advice to me regarding marriage and finding the elusive “one” is always “it’s not about who you would like to spend your life with, it’s about who wants to spend theirs with you.” Which translates to find someone who wants to wake up next to you for the rest of your life irrespective of the fact that you might look like a dragon because you forgot to remove your make the night before. Hahah ok, that’s my version, but I think a version you are all more familiar with is pick the one that loves you more that you love them.

So having some guy write something based on a generalization really irked me because i was not too fussy. I put myself out there, as they say. My mother, generally being my voice of reason, simply said, “Nevermind, at the end of the day everything happens as per the will of Allah. Taqdeer (destiny) remember, so no matter what anyone says nothing that is meant for you will reach you before its appointed time.” My mother’s reasoning made sense, as it always does. As my nephew says “mother’s know everything.” Nevertheless, this got me thinking about destiny and stuff like that. From my Knowledge almost all religions have some basis of destiny is it not? We all believe that everything happens for a reason right? So why then do we judge people at every possible opportunity, I mean I know we all judge to some extent but something’s I think should just be left alone considering we have no actual control over it, no?

Ok, so back to the love triangles. We were discussing love triangles. Where girl loves boy, boy loves girl but is secretly in love with someone else. My mother highlighted something that I had never realised until she painted that particular picture for me. (ok, maybe I did realise it but I have my own opinions on these things and I’m generally extremely headstrong in my thoughts and belief) She said that being a mother one wants what’s best for their sons. A lot of pressure is placed on men when they reach an age deemed to be “ready for marriage”. Unfortunately, they have to seek a spouse that will “fit in” to their family life. Now, many people believe that you don’t marry the family you marry the boy. In an Indian society, that is where problems usually stem from. Unfortunately, we need our prospective in-laws to approve of us. What happens if the boy falls in love with someone they don’t approve off?

This boy has two options: 1) move on and find someone his family will approve off or 2) man the hell up and be with who you love (now, me being me, I’d say its a no brainer, right? be with who you love). This is where my mothers reasoning brought light to the situation. (Please bare in mind that I come from a home where I will never be forced to marry against my will. Basically, we are given the choice to find our own spouses or if we choose to and approach them, my parents will seek out prospective spouses for us. However, not everyone is that lucky.) Sometimes people fall in love and have to part ways because society deems their relationship to be taboo. But who sets these standards? Who determines what’s acceptable and what’s not? And basically this is how we ended up on the topic of love triangles, where sometimes a man is trying to move on from a past love. Yet, he doesn’t inform his current interest of his “situation”. (I’m using the term man not because this is only applicable to men, women too are guilty of this, but merely because I am a woman) Does one inform the other person involved that “I’m using you to move on from my previous love. I, possibly,  may never love you but I’m going to try? “.I don’t know if that’s something I’d like to know. Would you? Maybe I’m naïve, I have been called that recently, but I think I would prefer not knowing. Sure, knowledge is power but how does that particular piece of knowledge empower me? It doesn’t. All it does is make me doubt everything I had with this person and in all fairness there’s no saying they won’t fall in love with me. I am that awesome.

Jokes aside, is that fair to them? Then again is that man being fair to the “third wheel” by whispering sweet nothings to her all the while craving the affection of another? I’d really like to know why they call it sweet nothings. My theory is that its something sweet that’s said yet, nothing ever comes of it. You know those whispers of “I love you” or “I’m going to marry you” but then nothing. Literally nothing. It simply dies a peaceful death lol Ah, the agony of love. As I’ve mentioned before, empath’s love with every ounce of their core. When an empath uses the “L” word, they mean it.( Me, well I honestly wanted to follow in my mother’s footsteps by having a “one and only”. I’ve only once used the “L” word and well I’m still single. Feel free to draw your own conclusions.) Yet, a lot of the time an empath is responsible for their own agony and heartache. This was highlighted in an article I read today on Facebook- yes, sadly I spend my time on Facebook reading not stalking. It’s possible that I may upset the balance of the world by using Facebook as a tool for anything else other than stalking. I’m a bookworm what can I say.

Nevertheless, the article was titled The Toxic Attraction Between an Empath & a Narcissist.  I don’t know how to post the link on here but if you have Facebook please check it out on the Elephantjournal Page. The writer highlighted something that I think every empath needs to acknowledge. That is, as empaths we seek love and care but ultimately due to our personality types we seek to “fix” and to heal and to help. What we each need to realise is that we can’t “fix” anyone. Everyone is responsible for fixing themselves, but this again has to come from them not from you. If you don’t already know, Narcissism is a personality disorder linked to mental illness.(most people deny this but its the truth. Most narcissist are also unaware of their behaviour patterns). It is when people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for admiration and a lack of empathy for others. Normally, this farce of narcissism is used to hide a fragile self-esteem that threatens to crumble at the very head of criticism. Narcissism is the complete opposite of being empath. Sure opposites attract and sometimes it makes for a great combination but sometimes an empath isn’t strong enough to handle a narcissistic individual. Treatment? Well normally this trait extents to adolescents who then out grow it but sometimes we see adults who possess these traits.

As far as treatment for adults go, they have to want to change it’s as simple as that. I’m honestly not sure if a relationship between the two can survive, if it does will they both still be the same, intact beings? or will the narcassist in his lack of empathy kill of the empath day by day? Is it possible for someone to be an empath of the highest degree and still display narcissistic traits? I wish I had these answers because then my journey to self discovery will be that much easier. I’m reminded of that saying “anything worth having doesn’t come easy”, if I want to be the best version of me, I guess I am going to have to toil for it. Many people have read the previous posts and some were kind enough to provide me with feedback. (any feedback is welcome as I love knowing what other people think).

Today’s feedback warmed my heart because I realised that through these words I was able to touch the lives of others. I’m sure you know I’m talking about you Fathima. lol! One such conversation led to something very interesting sparked by a question of a dear friend, Faaiza. She said, “what if we came out with a samoosa run CV?” The idea was just brilliant. The most important thing on the CV perhaps would be: personality type. This would really assist people like me to sus out those who are real and those who just claim to be, for example when you see PERSONALITY TYPE: Asshole, you can immediately tell the person to take a hike. lol There’s so much more I can say regarding these topics but maybe lets leave that for another time. I leave you with this quote, “And, when you want something, the entire universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.” – Paulo Coelho, the Alchemist keep trying and keep toiling till you find what you truly seek…